Mending fences
August 6, 2006 (cont'd)
"I'm leaving. Try to grow up while I'm gone," Tim says, closing the door gently behind her.
In a weird way, I'm proud of her for handling this with such maturity. At the end, at least--throwing the spoon wasn't exactly an adult-like thing to do. But she got herself under control quickly.
We've had huge fights before, and have retreated to our respective corners of the house to cool off, but this is the first time one of us has left. I flew off the handle, I know, and it wasn't necessarily because of what she asked me. The question was reasonable; what I objected to was that Tim was fine with my decision until her mother told her to be less than fine with it. Her opinion seemed to change 180 degrees before my eyes; at some point, Tim has to be an independent adult.
I know I was mean, but part of it was my frazzled nerves, part of it was the offense I took to being questioned by someone close to me, and part of it was intentional, to show Tim that she crossed the line. Having said that, I don't want to lose her. If she does not call or come home, I will call her, because I want to talk this out reasonably.
10:11pm
An IM window pops up as I check box scores.
Tim: hello
Steve: hi honey
Tim: honey? so im not a bitch anymore
Steve: i never called you that
Tim: no but you called my mother that and worse
Steve: i dont want to fight with you anymore
Tim: me neither! :-(
Steve: do you see my point
Tim: do you see mine, she is my mother and i love her and respect her opinion even if you dont
Steve: i don't like the way you went about it
Steve: if the question is from your mother then let your mother ask me
Tim: but after she said it, it made sense to me so i wanted to know too
Steve: you lied to me and said it wasn't her idea
Tim: im sorry
Tim: but why does that matter
Steve: because sometimes I feel like she manipulates you and tries to come between us
Steve: and it makes it worse when you dont tell me the truth
Tim: so remember our rules? you can ask me to change something
Tim: and it cant be don't listen to your mom anymore
Steve: sigh
Steve: can it be, ask your mom to move to Bora Bora
Tim: steve!
Steve: im not stupid. what kind of an idiot would i have to be to quit without having another job lined up, unless i didn't have a choice anymore
Tim: i know
Steve: i had to quit, for my sanity and my health. i could not wait around until i had another job
Tim: i know!
Steve: but i feel like you were doubting me
Steve: do you trust me
Steve: totally and completely
Tim: YES
Tim: i know you are not an idiot, you are the smartest person i know, and you are very successful, i am so proud of you
Steve: i need you to trust me then, that question really hurt me
Tim: do you trust me??
Steve: YES
Tim: then you have to trust that i won't let my mother change my opinion of you
Steve: lovely weather we've been having :-)
Tim: lol,,, stop it
Steve: ok, ok
Steve: honey i am sorry i swore at you
Tim: and im sorry i threw a utensil at you
Steve: remind me to buy plastic spoons
Tim: LOL
Tim: seriously, i need you to believe that my mother could NEVER make me feel differently about you
Tim: i love you
Tim: lovelovelovelovelovelove
Tim: i know you don't believe this but my mother loves you--she is not trying to split us up, she is just being nosy
Tim: she does this to everyone
Tim: when she gets sick and goes to the doctor, and he tells her what is wrong she sits there and argues with him
Steve: ack
Tim: its her way of expressing love lol
Steve: if shes not trying to break us up then why did she try to break us up at Christmastime
Tim: she honestly felt i was getting too involved and was going to get hurt or was going to hurt you. now she knows we are together permanently
Steve: as long as you dont kill me with flying spoons first ;-)
Tim: dont you have something to say
Steve: i apologized
Tim: *ahem*
Tim: Tim: i love you
Tim: lovelovelovelovelovelove
Steve: baby
Tim: ?
Steve: I lovelovelovelove
Steve: lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
Steve: lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
Tim: lol
Tim: ok, ok
Steve: i do have one thing to ask
Steve: if a question comes from your mother can you please tell me that
Steve: ?
Tim: ya sorry i lied :$
Tim: if its a reasonable question i have a right to ask, if you don't feel its reasonable you can just say you do not want to answer that
Steve: ok, i'm just letting you know i might say that sometimes
Tim: i will try to understand
Tim: and can you please remember the rule about no personal attacks
Tim: i seem to remember some bad language ;-)
Steve: can't seem to recall any...
Steve: ok, i will work on that
Steve: ok?
Tim: k
Steve: hey where r u?
Tim: coffee shop lol
Steve: can you please please please
Steve: please please please
Steve: please please please
Tim: i get it
Tim: please what
Steve: come home now?
Tim: you sure u want me there lol
Steve: o ya, i want you
Tim: me too
Steve: dont break the speed limit
Steve: ok break it
Tim: i love you honey
Steve: i love you
