Sunday, October 22, 2006

Mending fences

August 6, 2006 (cont'd)

"I'm leaving. Try to grow up while I'm gone," Tim says, closing the door gently behind her.

In a weird way, I'm proud of her for handling this with such maturity. At the end, at least--throwing the spoon wasn't exactly an adult-like thing to do. But she got herself under control quickly.

We've had huge fights before, and have retreated to our respective corners of the house to cool off, but this is the first time one of us has left. I flew off the handle, I know, and it wasn't necessarily because of what she asked me. The question was reasonable; what I objected to was that Tim was fine with my decision until her mother told her to be less than fine with it. Her opinion seemed to change 180 degrees before my eyes; at some point, Tim has to be an independent adult.

I know I was mean, but part of it was my frazzled nerves, part of it was the offense I took to being questioned by someone close to me, and part of it was intentional, to show Tim that she crossed the line. Having said that, I don't want to lose her. If she does not call or come home, I will call her, because I want to talk this out reasonably.


An IM window pops up as I check box scores.

Tim: hello

Steve: hi honey

Tim: honey? so im not a bitch anymore

Steve: i never called you that

Tim: no but you called my mother that and worse

Steve: i dont want to fight with you anymore

Tim: me neither! :-(

Steve: do you see my point

Tim: do you see mine, she is my mother and i love her and respect her opinion even if you dont

Steve: i don't like the way you went about it

Steve: if the question is from your mother then let your mother ask me

Tim: but after she said it, it made sense to me so i wanted to know too

Steve: you lied to me and said it wasn't her idea

Tim: im sorry

Tim: but why does that matter

Steve: because sometimes I feel like she manipulates you and tries to come between us

Steve: and it makes it worse when you dont tell me the truth

Tim: so remember our rules? you can ask me to change something

Tim: and it cant be don't listen to your mom anymore

Steve: sigh

Steve: can it be, ask your mom to move to Bora Bora

Tim: steve!

Steve: im not stupid. what kind of an idiot would i have to be to quit without having another job lined up, unless i didn't have a choice anymore

Tim: i know

Steve: i had to quit, for my sanity and my health. i could not wait around until i had another job

Tim: i know!

Steve: but i feel like you were doubting me

Steve: do you trust me

Steve: totally and completely

Tim: YES

Tim: i know you are not an idiot, you are the smartest person i know, and you are very successful, i am so proud of you

Steve: i need you to trust me then, that question really hurt me

Tim: do you trust me??

Steve: YES

Tim: then you have to trust that i won't let my mother change my opinion of you

Steve: lovely weather we've been having :-)

Tim: lol,,, stop it

Steve: ok, ok

Steve: honey i am sorry i swore at you

Tim: and im sorry i threw a utensil at you

Steve: remind me to buy plastic spoons

Tim: LOL

Tim: seriously, i need you to believe that my mother could NEVER make me feel differently about you

Tim: i love you

Tim: lovelovelovelovelovelove

Tim: i know you don't believe this but my mother loves you--she is not trying to split us up, she is just being nosy

Tim: she does this to everyone

Tim: when she gets sick and goes to the doctor, and he tells her what is wrong she sits there and argues with him

Steve: ack

Tim: its her way of expressing love lol

Steve: if shes not trying to break us up then why did she try to break us up at Christmastime

Tim: she honestly felt i was getting too involved and was going to get hurt or was going to hurt you. now she knows we are together permanently

Steve: as long as you dont kill me with flying spoons first ;-)

Tim: dont you have something to say

Steve: i apologized

Tim: *ahem*

Tim: Tim: i love you

Tim: lovelovelovelovelovelove

Steve: baby

Tim: ?

Steve: I lovelovelovelove

Steve: lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Steve: lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Tim: lol

Tim: ok, ok

Steve: i do have one thing to ask

Steve: if a question comes from your mother can you please tell me that

Steve: ?

Tim: ya sorry i lied :$

Tim: if its a reasonable question i have a right to ask, if you don't feel its reasonable you can just say you do not want to answer that

Steve: ok, i'm just letting you know i might say that sometimes

Tim: i will try to understand

Tim: and can you please remember the rule about no personal attacks

Tim: i seem to remember some bad language ;-)

Steve: can't seem to recall any...

Steve: ok, i will work on that

Steve: ok?

Tim: k

Steve: hey where r u?

Tim: coffee shop lol

Steve: can you please please please

Steve: please please please

Steve: please please please

Tim: i get it

Tim: please what

Steve: come home now?

Tim: you sure u want me there lol

Steve: o ya, i want you

Tim: me too

Steve: dont break the speed limit

Steve: ok break it

Tim: i love you honey

Steve: i love you