Devious shit

I know it's late, but I am going to keep writing because there are some things I don't want to forget.

Doc says he wants me in a 12-step program. Sorry, but I don't want to walk into some church basement and see my marketing manager, or my next-door neighbor, in the same meeting. I know it's confidential, but I don't want anybody knowing that shit about me. Call me anal.

I sometimes feel ashamed of how devious I am. I drive a convertable BMW and have a nice family-ready house in the suburbs, but I live alone. The car is good for attracting young girls (sometimes too young), and the house is good for older ones. I look for excuses to get women to come over....they seem impressed that I am so capable of living this way as a single guy. I like the house and the car, but the ulterior motives were def. on my mind when I bought them.

Yesterday, my assignment was to count how many times I thought about sex during the entire day. I was awake for 14 hours (7 to 9) and I counted 62 times. I really am sick, aren't I?

I have done all kinds of shit that I should feel guilty about, but the only thing I did that bothers me was when I took this one girl's virginity. I lubed the hell out of her, ate her for 10 minutes, and still she was tight as a drum.....guys, imagine fucking a thimble. She kept begging me to keep going, that she wanted it. Finally I finished, and she sat on the bed crying. It HURT!! I felt incredibly greedy and selfish.

I've cheated on just about every girlfriend I've ever had. When I am with someone, I am more eager to fuck around then when I am single. I always feel like the girl, whoever she is, is trying to "trap" me into a more serious relationship than I want. Fucking other girls, or at least hooking up with them, makes me feel better. Getting caught is almost a relief: She usually dumps me, thus avoiding "the talk," which is a big fat pain in the ass.

My sexual appetite is voracious. The most orgasms I ever had in one day was 6: I woke up one day, whacked off, screwed my girlfriend twice around mid-morning, then later that night, three times more.

Lila is the only one who really "satisfies" me, and then only when we do it for at least 20 minutes. Any less is a "quickie" as far as I am concerned, and it's not enough for me. More often than not, after I get laid I go home and whack off. Imagine you are starving, and someone gives you a little bowl of soup and sends you home. You're worse off than when you started!

Two more items, then bed: My engagement, and Lila.