Sunday, January 07, 2007

Stevo is who we thought he was

Transcript of the recent press conference with Denise Green, president of the Steve Caruso Monogamy Foundation.

DENISE: "I would like to take this opportunity to announce our full support for Steve during this time of turmoil--"

REPORTER: "Turmoil? Denise, he cheated on his girlfriend of over one year!"

DENISE: "Yes, but--"

REPORTER: "Does it surprise you? Didn't it seem like Steve had matured?"

D: "Please, let me--"

R: "Are you concerned that a monogamy foundation like yours is going to suffer political damage for supporting an unapologetic womanizer like Steve?"

D: "No, because--"

R: "No? But they were living together! They were talking marriage and children! And then he just goes off and curls toes with some psycho nutbag!"

D: "Fine. Fine! You know what? Fine.

"Stevo is who we thought he was. We've all read the blog; we know what he's capable of. I mean, who the hell fucks his first cousin like it's bullshit. Bullshit!

"Everything was fine. He dated Stephanie for the better part of a year, and then he kissed Tim, but he told Stephanie about it, and then he cheated on Tim--he is who we thought he was!

"Now." [Slaps microphone violently] "You wanna throw your panties at him? Go ahead and throw your panties at his ass. But he is who we thought he was! And he screwed us in the end!"

[Storms off, stage right]

Not getting the joke?