Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Booty Aftermath


A hand shakes my shoulder hard. "STEVE!!"

I start awake. I'm laying in bed; I must have dozed off.

"Steve! Are you awake?" Steph says. She's dressed again.

I look at my clock. It's 11:47.

"No....yeah..." I say, my voice dry and scratchy.

"I'm gonna go."


"I gotta go home."


"Steve. It's Thursday. I don't stay over on Thursdays, remember?"

"Um, yeah."

She kisses me. "Bye babe. I'll call you."


Friday, March 11

I thought I would feel better after having sex and blowing a massive load last night. I don't. I figured seeing Steph would answer some of my questions, and instead I have more new ones than ever.

I trust her completely. I know she's not fucking around, with Mr. whip-dick, or anyone else, for that matter. I don't know why she got all dressed up (or, at least dressed up by her standards), shaved, and put on matching underwear. The only thing I can think of is that she just wanted to get laid, and she got herself all dressed and ready with that in mind.

I don't like the paradigm shift we had yesterday. The rules changed for Steph and me, at least for last night. She let me know she wanted to come over, showed up late, screwed, and left. I've never done that to her. Are those the new rules? Is Steph just a fuck buddy now?

Sure, I've had fuck buddies before. But having someone like Steph only for screwing would be a real waste. It would be like using Michael Jordan as a substitute player for 10 minutes per game.

It's hard to believe, but I am basically at the same point I was before yesterday: I don't know what Steph is going to decide, and I don't know when she's going to call and tell me her decision. And I still feel like getting fucking loaded.


It's Friday. Normally, Steph would be coming over tonight. She'd bring her overnight bag, filled with Aussie hair spritz and tiny $20 jars of Mary Kay cosmetics, and stay the whole weekend. I had no idea how much I had grown to enjoy her company.

My phone rings. It's Steph.



"What's up?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't making me dinner tonight," she laughs.


"Are you mad?"

"Of COURSE I'm mad. What the fuck, Steph?"


"You showed up at ten. Then you fucked me and left."

"You fell asleep!"


"Oh, like that's not every guy's dream. For his girlfriend to have sex with him and let him sleep alone."

I pause. "OK, point taken." We both laugh. "Seriously, Steph. We gotta figure this out."

She sighs. "I know. I thought you would LIKE me coming over like that. Just - to break the ice."

"Is that what the matching bra and panties were for?"

"I bought those just for you, you know. I never match my underwear."

"TELL me about it!"

"I did two things that I thought you would like."

"The underwear..."

"AND-" she says.



"That WAS kinda nice."

"You didn't SAY anything though!"

"Yeah, well, we didn't talk much. I noticed, though."

"I know. We didn't talk almost at all."

"What's wrong?"

She inhales deeply. "It's so hard for me, still. Now I feel like I don't want to let you in. I feel like my guard is still up, and I can't let it down no matter how hard-"

"It's gonna take time."

"I know."

"I'm willing to work on it if you are."

"Why don't you come over tomorrow and we'll talk about it?"