Monday, June 13, 2005

Computer broken again?!

Friday, June 10, 2005, 10:30am
Steve's office

I have known a few headhunters (or, as they like to be called, executive search consultants) over the years. Their M.O. is always the same: They try to move qualified candidates from their current jobs to better ones. Their philosophy, and it's not always correct, is that any employee worth recruiting will already be employed, because he will have made it his business to find a good job.

Relationships work very similarly. In my experience, a guy who is already with someone is much more attractive to women than a guy who is not. Girls like a guy who is capable of commitment.

But more than that, guys who are getting some on a regular basis are generally a lot easier to be around than ones who are not. In fact, some guys, especially younger ones, don't need much else besides pussy to survive. So if they are fucking 3 or 4 times a week, they achieve a Zen-like state of Nirvana that Buddha himself would envy.

When we guys are getting laid, the world is beautiful. We get the urge to help stranded motorists and give spare change to panhandlers and tackle household projects we've been ignoring. There's no problem we can't solve, and yes, that confidence is sexy to women. The trick is to keep that going when you are alone.

That's one of the reasons I didn't call Tim during the week. If I asked her out on Tuesday, for example, and it happened to come up in conversation that Steph and I split up just a few days earlier, I might look horny and desperate. Calling as an oh, by the way on Friday would look less so, if done properly.

Sure, she'll probably have plans. If there is a girl that gets asked out constantly, it's Tim. But at least this will let her know I am thinking of her, and will hopefully make her think about me too. Next week, I can call with a little more notice.


Her voice is high and girly, like Lila's. In fact, for a scary moment, I think I dialed the wrong number and got Lila instead of Tim.

"Hey, Tim!"

"Hi. OH! Hi, Steve! I didn't recognize your voice!"

"Has it been that long?"

"Yes! I miss you, sweetie!"

"Me too! So how's the party planning business?" Tim works as an event coordinator for a local supermarket.

"OK. But I started my own company!"

"You did?"

"Yeah! I do all the work planning these parties, and the store gets all the money, so I decided to just start doing it on my own."

"That's awesome, Tim! Hey, did you get a workers' comp policy?"

"Yeah, this lady at the Chamber of Commerce is helping me."

"You should let me take a look at the policy when you get it."

"Oh. Yeah, that's right, you're in the insurance business! I didn't even think to ask you!"

"There's a couple of other things you need to be aware of with a new company. We ought to sit down at some point."

Now is my in. I knew if I talked to her long enough, I'd find one. "Hey! You wanna get a drink tonight?"

She snaps her tongue loudly. "Aww, I'm going out with Dom tonight."

I'm speechless. Dom is still WITH her? She must be an otherworldly fuck. And she must also not care about his mission to have intercourse with every blonde (and fake blonde) within a 1,000 mile radius of his pecker.

"Well, I know it's last minute, so-"

"We're only going to Doc O'Malley's. Stop by and say hello!"

"I'll do that."

I hate being a cock-blocker. I'm filled with frustration when I'm trying to talk to a girl, and some jackass keeps butting in to the conversation, in an attempt to either get her for himself, or at least to prevent me from doing so. Whenever I find myself as the second guy approaching a girl, I bail. Dom didn't mind last time when I talked to her all night, though. Still, I don't think I'll show.

I call Paulie to see if he wants to hang out. It seems his girlfriend's car broke down, so she borrowed his to go out with her girlfriends (coughPUSSYWHIPPED!cough). Then I call my brother Greg; his daughter has a double ear infection and hasn't been sleeping, and he and Nancy are exhausted.

My brother Chris is almost definitely busy tonight, but that's a different story for a different day.


What the hell? I'll run down to Doc's. It might be nice to see what Tim is wearing.

She doesn't disappoint. Dark blue jeans, tight enough so I can see the delicious curves of her thighs, one crossed over the other. A white, short-sleeved babydoll shirt that says "C26" on the front (what, is there a Bingo game going on that no one told me about?), and immaculate plain white sneakers.

"Steeeve!" she says when she sees me, and runs over to give me a kiss. Dom shakes my hand; a bartender walks over and puts a vodka and tonic in front of me. Dom must have ordered it when he saw me walk in. "So how's it go-"

I turn to face them; they've already turned their backs and resumed their conversation.

Tim's not as effusive towards me as she was before. Maybe she's going to make me work for it this time. Or maybe she's pissed at the way I left her when she was all warmed up last time. Whatever it is, I'm not gonna fix it by sitting here, drinking and watching the two of them talk. I'll finish my drink and take off.

Dom walks to the bathroom. Tim turns and grabs my wrist. "So you broke up with your girlfriend, huh?" she smiles.

"Yeah. Didn't I mention that?"

"No," she says, smiling through narrowed eyes. She doesn't believe this act for a minute. She knows that I got dumped (gotta thank Dom for telling her, by the way), and that I am now looking to fuck her brains out on the rebound. And that I didn't tell her about the breakup so she wouldn't figure all this out.

"You ok?" she says, tilting her head down and looking up at me, her cleanly-plucked eyebrows arching skyward. I stare at her lips, coated in red lipstick, so thick that they practically cast a shadow on her chin.

"Fine," I smile.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I think she was totally bad for you."


"You don't strike me as the monogamous type, for one thing. And she seemed a little uptight."

"What about you? Are you the monogamous type?" I smile.

"You don't care. You walked out on me. Right?" she laughs.

"It was complicated. It's not anymore."

"Oh REALLY." She stares at me.

Dom comes back from the rest room, and their conversation picks up again. At about 11:30, I say my goodbyes and leave.

Steve's house

I surf to and find a video of some teenage hottie getting pounded. I whip out my shit and I'm fully erect.

I guess there are worse things in this world than choking the chicken. At least I'll get off. Next week, I'll call Tim again, or find someone else. I'll go out tomorrow night, too.

Buzzzzzzzz, goes my cell phone, sliding across the table with the vibration.

I let go of my rod and grab the phone. "Hello?"

"Steve, it's Tim," she whispers.


"Can you meet me at my house in half an hour?"