Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Steve's breakup: The album

Somehow, after endless questions about my breakup from everyone I know, I have totally avoided the subject of my... indiscretions, as well as any discussion of my blog. I'm going with the "We were fighting a lot" explanation, which is quite true. We fought all the time, mostly over trivial things, but those fights were not the reason for the breakup. Of course, the people asking me don't have to know that, however.

Most people don't believe me, anyway. They all know how well Steph and I got along, and they balk at the "We just weren't happy" argument. More than a few have asked accusingly if I've been unfaithful. Oh, and they are all sure to hit me with the "I thought you two were engaged" bit. Inexplicably, one woman I work with thought Steph and I had gotten married!

Sunday, June 5, 2005, 10:00pm
Steve's house

"You WHAT?"

"Paulie, don't break my fucking balls!"

"She was beautiful! She was PERFECT! She was smart, she had a good head on her shoulders..."

"Yeah, she was great."

"So why did you break up with her?"

"I didn't. SHE broke up with ME!"


Well, first I fucked some skank from corporate, then I fucked my sister-in-law's underage sister, then I kissed a sex-starved Jessica Simpson lookalike (and thumbed her tit), then Steph found my blog and dumped me. Girls can be so sensitive!

"Typical bullshit, man."

"What kinda bullshit?"

"You writin' a book?"

"You cheated on her, didn't you?"

Hmm, judgment call time. Does kissing count as cheating? How about tit-grabbing? And what if the tit-grabbing was purely accidental? Does it still count as a feel-up?

"I kissed another girl, but we didn't break up for that."

"You're a moron, Steve."


"You're kidding, Steve!!"

"No, dad, I'm not kidding."

"What happened!?"

"We weren't getting along."

"DON'T gimme that! You were just in Hawaii with her! What do you MEAN, you weren't getting along?"

"Just what I said."

"Did you do something to hurt her?" he menaces.

"No, I-"

"Did you cheat on her?"

"No, dad!"

"If I find out you did something to hurt that nice girl..."

"Dad, remember your blood pressure."

"Goodbye, smart ass."



Other assorted family and friend reactions:

Chris: "What happened?"

Greg: "What happened?"

Bonnie: "You're KIDDING!"

Heidi: "OH. MY. GOD. You're kidding! What happened!?"

Dom: "I wonder what took her so long."

Nancy: "Sorry, Steve."

Chris from accounting: "But you just went on vacation together!"
Yeah, cause we all know about that law banning post-vacation breakups.

Rod from marketing: "Turned down your proposal, huh?"

"What? NO!" I reply.

"So she accepted it?

God's obviously got a problem with me.

Paul [one of our VP's]: "Bitches."

Yeah, Paul's a little bitter.


I wonder what is going to happen with Lila. I still haven't told her yet, and she hasn't called me in a while. This has happened before; she'll go for a week or more without calling, then drunk dial me ten times in 3 days.

I am very angry at her for the way she manipulated me. But of course, I played my share of head games with her, too. She went about it in an immature way, but she only did it because she cares about me. I wonder if she and I will have a future together, after all. Only time will tell.