Monday, August 02, 2004

He says, she says, volume II

Here's the latest reader question. Enjoy!

Do you have a question for Steve and Ari? If so, we'd love to hear from you!

Dear Steve and Ari:

I am engaged to get married in December of this year. Although currently my fiance and I are not sleeping together we have in the past... I have found that I am really REALLY sensitive to him fingering me or going down on me I cum after less than a minute (really frustrating) is there any way to "build up resistance" I'd like our time in bed to last more than a commercial break.....


I hear this question a lot from guys, and I think (hope) a lot of the same advice would apply to a girl having the same issue. A few things to try:

1. Muscle control. An orgasm is mainly a series of rapid-fire muscle contractions. With practice, some people are able to relax all their pelvic muscles and stave off orgasm almost indefinitely. Just think of it as loosening up all your muscles down there, like when you are peeing, and focusing on KEEPING them relaxed during stimulation. Most guys I know can't do it, and I don't know if a girl has ever tried it, but it's worth a shot.

2. You might try reducing the sensation by getting one of these "reduced sensation" condoms and cutting it open up the side and opening it up so it's a flat sheet, then spreading it over your "love zone" while your guy works on you.

3. Along the same lines, maybe he could use ice (wrapped in a t-shirt or washcloth), or a popsicle on you (I did this recently; she seemed to like it)...the cold might help to reduce sensitivity and slow things down for you a bit.

4. Do you masturbate before you guys hook up? Maybe you could do that in front of him, and THEN have him get started on you. The second climax usually takes longer, in my experience. But remember: If you are going to pleasure yourself in front of him, you'd better be prepared to finish him off. He's gonna need it ;-).

Remember also, the solution may be a combination of several of the above.

Hope this helps. Let us know how you do!


Hey there A, and congrats on snagging the guy! well done.

I used to be in the same boat, hell, I was so supersensitive a few minutes of focused attention on my nipples and I'd be gone. And obviously, that's not ideal. I can tell you what I did and you'll see if this works for you.

You have to start masturbating and teasing yourself. You have to desensitize yourself a bit so that you can prolong the fun you and your fiance' have together. I'd recommend that you start with a vibrator and slowly work yourself, until you are about to climax. Knowing yourself best, you'll be able to gauge it fairly well, I'd assume. You have to do this often, stopping just short of coming until your resistance is raised. Try different things, positions and toys. And most importantly, have your fiance' mix things up and never let him linger in the same area for too long.