It's all fun and games until someone loses (gets cum in) her eye

"Do you have a girlfriend," Stephanie says.

I nod my head yes. "It's going badly right now," I say.

"Me too," she says.

"Does he keep pulling the car over to arrest people?" I ask.

"I WISH," she says. "That would mean he was home!"

"Never around, huh?"

She shakes her head. "He bought me a CD for Christmas and I didn't get it until Valentine's day," she says.

"Shit!"

"I know!" she says.

"Well, that all depends," I say. "If it was Zam Phyr, master of the pan flute, that might be a good thing!"

She laughs. "No! It was "Wish You Were Here"."

"Pink Floyd?" I say.

"Yeah! I love them!"

"Me too!" I say. "So he only bought you a CD for Christmas?"

"He's cheap."

We talk nonstop for the next half hour. Mercifully, Heidi is almost totally removed from the conversation, but she shifts her gaze back and forth between Stephanie and me as we talk, as if she is watching a tennis match.

"Woooooooow," Heidi says, finally. "You guys are really hitting it off! It's too bad you're taken, Steph!"

Stephanie shoots her an annoyed glance.

All the conversations wind down briefly and the table is quiet for a few seconds.

"DO YOU LIKE MEATBALLS?!" Heidi says to me. We all burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, I hate it when it's all quiet like that," she says.

Stephanie gets up and walks towards the ladies' room.

I wait about two minutes, then jump slightly, as if my phone is going off. I pull it from the holster and look at the readout screen. "Excuse me," I say, and walk towards the back of the bar.

It's about 10 after 10. I figure now would be a good time to check my voice mail. My phone is off, so it wasn't really ringing, of course.

I have six messages:

1. Hangup. Caller ID blocked.
2. Lila: "Steve, please call me."
3. Hangup. Caller ID blocked.
4. Hangup. Caller ID blocked.
5. Lila [sounding high]: "Steeeeeeve, you better fucking call me, shitheeeeeeaaad....."
6. Lila [still high]: "Stevie, Stevie the asshole, who doesn't call his girlfrieeeeeend...."

I stop about 20 feet from the ladies room and start deleting the messages.

The ladies' room door opens. Stephanie is walking out. I pretend not to notice her right away: No need to look like a stalker, now.

I put my phone away and look at her, smiling.

"Finally got away, huh? Tired of talking about Italian food?" she says.

"I'm beginning to wish I was Polish," I say, laughing.

"I hear ya," she says.

"Let's go for a walk," I say.

She nods her head once, slowly, as if she knew this was coming. She follows me out the front door and onto the sidewalk.

We walk about 30 feet to a corner. I turn to face her.

She kisses me.

It's nice having our bodies so close together, the way she presses herself against me and holds my face in her hands while we kiss.

Our lips separate. "You're a good kisser," I say. Pretty much standard stuff here, guys. You almost have to say it; it's like sending a thank-you note after a job interview.

"Mmmmmm, you too," she says, smiling.

"I thought we were walking," I say.

"Oh, ok, I see how you are," she says, and takes my hand. We walk for a while, towards the parking lot where my car is.

She takes a deep breath through her nose. "I'm really tired," she says.

That's my cue. "You want a ride home," I say.

She nods. She's already dialing her phone. "Meg. Steph. Steve's giving me a ride home. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I dial Dom's number. He answers.

"Dom, it's Steve. I'm giving Stephanie a ride home."

"You bastard," he says. "You are fucking amazing." His voice is even quieter than usual, but I can hear the smile just the same. "I want details," he says.

"Bye, Dom." click.

We're on the way home, and I suddenly burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Stephanie says.

"I'm just imagining Dom and Megan trying to talk, and Heidi interrupting them."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! 'Are you passionate, Dom?' she says, mockingly. 'You seem really passionate!' " We have a good laugh over that one.

"You remember that Brady Bunch episode where Greg is on a date, and Bobby is in the back seat?"

"Oh my God! Yes!!!" she says.

"Heidi is Bobby!!!" I say. She is nodding and laughing hysterically.

Her face is bright red. "Ohhh, my God. You are too funny," she says.

We get to her apartment. I follow her inside; there is no invitation. I just kind of walk behind her and wait for her body language to tell me what she wants. She holds the door open for me, so it is a no-brainer.

"I have to check my e-mail," she says. She turns on her laptop and clicks her mouse a few times. Click-click-click, go her fingers on the keyboard.

The suspense is killing me. What's going to happen?

She walks up to me. We're standing almost nose to nose. Her eyes flicker up at me. Her face is truly beautiful, flawless and symmetrical. "So how long have you been with your girlfriend," she says.

I kiss her. She kisses back. This goes on for endless, wet, tongue-filled minutes.

We sit down on the couch without stopping. I move my hand up to touch her, and her hand bumps mine. She puts it on my crotch. I am hard as a rock.

"You have a BIG dick," she says, smiling.

"You see what you do to me?" I say.

She rubs my cock with her right hand, pulling my head closer with her left. I reach down, unbuckle my belt and open my pants. She stops kissing me and gets down on her knees.

She pulls my dick out through the hole in the front of my boxers.

She starts out licking it just like a lollipop. Remember that, ladies. Some girls don't like the idea of having that big thing in their mouths, especially since, even if the guy can hold out, it's oozing and dribbling like crazy the whole time. I always tell girls to pretend it's a popsicle, or a lollipop. You don't have to deep-throat it to get the guy off.

But deep-throat it Stephanie does. I watch as the entire shaft disappears into her mouth. I can feel the back of her throat. Then she slides it in and out, and the rhythm of her sucking drives me absolutely wild.

"Fucking A, Steph," I whisper. "Ohhh, that feels so good."

She pulls it out and holds it near the base, licking it slowly, bottom to top. The lollipop again.

She puts it back into her mouth. Then she deep throats me again. It's lollipop, deep throat, lollipop, deep throat, until I am ready to explode.

"Are you gonna come?"

"Yeah."

She pulls it out of her mouth with a pop, and rubs it furiously. It's pointing right at her face. It's pointing right at her....

I explode with orgasm. It's a direct hit, right in her eye.

She doubles over, her hand pressed to her face. I'm dimly aware that I'm still coming. And she's still rubbing.

I grab my Van Heusen sweater and press it to her face. "Thanks," she says, wiping my spoo away. Shit! Shoulda given her HER shirt, I think. At least she doesn't have to wear it home.

"You are a horny boy, aren't you?" she says.

"You have NO idea."