Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The fit hits the shan. Again.

"Am I supposed to congratulate you? Or thank you? Am I supposed to be happy?"

"Of course not!"

"So what am I supposed to say?"

"Nothing. Forget it." I snap.

"No, seriously, Steve. Tell me what you want me to say. I want to know what the HELL you expect me to say!"

"Say whatever the hell you want. Tell me I'm a fucking loser, or I'm the worst boyfriend who ever lived."

"Don't gimme that! You can be so - wonderful at times, and then you go and do something like this, and it's almost like you're TRYING to mess things up between us."

"Steph, give me a break. Nothing HAPPENED! I didn't do anything WRONG!"

"You didn't do anything wrong? You DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG?!"

Ah, fuck. Now I'm toast.

"So let me ask you a question, Steve. If she rings your doorbell tonight, are you gonna let her in? Again?"

"No. Of course not."

"So you made a mistake when you did it the first time."

"Er, yeah. But-"

"So which is it, Steve? Did you do something wrong, or didn't you?"

Shit, another cross-examination. Too bad Amanda's not here; the two of them could have gotten into an argument about stem-cell research!

"Steph, that's the wrong question! You're-"

"Which IS it, Steve?"

"FINE. I made a mistake. I did something wrong. I let her in. But I didn't touch her. I didn't kiss her. She was getting soaked in the rain and telling me she really needed someone to talk to. So I let her in. That's it!"

"And if she was fat and ugly, I'm sure you still would have let her in. Right?"

Hmm, tough call. They say that fat girls give really good head! And it makes sense, too, doesn't it? Especially if you drowned your cock in marinara sauce...

"I didn't DO anything with her!" I shout.

"No, Steve, you just let that little fucking WHORE into your house, and you had NO idea what she wanted. And then you led her on, and made her think you wanted her, and then waited until the last possible minute, and then told her to get out. Steve the hero!" she says, mockingly. "What, am I supposed to throw you a party?!"

Well, no, but it's been a while since you've let me ass-fuck you...

"Are you finished, Steph?"

"NO! I want to know what you're planning on doing to fix this, Steve!"

Let's see. Can I punt? Or can I pass my turn to the next team, like on Family Feud?

"No more visits. No more calls. Obviously, she's not ready for friendship yet."

She takes a deep breath and seems to calm down. "Do you PROMise?"

"Yes, I promise."

"I'm sorry I yelled, Steve."