Tuesday, February 22, 2005


It's mid-December, and Steph and I are at a gift shop looking for Christmas presents. There are some pink roses near the front counter.

"Those are so pretty!" she says. I don't respond, but I keep it in the back of my mind for later.

Trust me: Remember shit like that, and act on it from time to time, and she will be eating out of your hand (or wherever else you want her to).

Sunday, February 13, 8:00pm
Steve's house

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"No, tomorrow's Monday."

"Stay over," I smile.

"What have you got up your sleeve?" she says, grinning.


"Yeah, right."


Monday, February 14, Valentine's Day
Steve's kitchen

There is a card and a dozen pink roses on the table.

"Ooooooooh!" she sighs. "You are too sweet! They're BEAUTIFUL!"

"You're welcome! Open the box."

It's a fairly large cardboard box, the kind that copy paper comes in. She opens it.

It's packed with little things: Chocolate-covered cherries, whipped cream, Swedish Fish, and candy hearts, as well as a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, flavored body oil, and a little vibrator.

"You are baaaaad," she says, smiling. "I got you something, too!" she hands me a card.

I open it. It's a really sappy one, but cute. It's signed, "I love you very much Steve! Please be my Valentine!!" There's also a coupon entitling me to a one-hour massage.

"Is the happy ending extra?"

She laughs. "Nope. Sorry I had to be cheesy with the gift, but you know, money..."

"It's fine! But I may use it in five-minute increments."

Steph heads off to school. And I get busy.

Steve's office

"This is Steve."

"MORE pink roses, Steve?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm at work." Steph works at the alumni office at school, about 15 hours a week. "You sent me MORE flowers?"


I drove to Steph's school and left them with the receptionist early in the morning, before Steph got to work.

"You are too sweet, honey."

3:00. My phone rings.



"What are you doing??!"

"What do you mean, Steph?"

"You know what I mean! You had flowers sent to my CLASS?"

"Oh, that."

'How did you DO that?"

"I grabbed some kid at the cafeteria and paid him $20 bucks to knock on your classroom door with the flowers."

"You came to my SCHOOL?"


"Oh my God!"

"What, are you embarrassed?"

"No, everyone thought it was cute. Where am I going to put all these flowers?"

"Your problem," I laugh.

5:30. My cell phone rings.

"OK, now you're just crazy."

"What do you mean," I ask, innocently.

"I came home and found another dozen roses on my kitchen table! You got me FOUR dozen pink roses?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure. I thought it was five or six."

"How did you get them in here?"

"I have a key! I dropped them off!"

"You came all this way? Have you gotten ANY work done today at all?"

"Well, if delivering roses counts as work, then yes."

"You are crazy."

"Come over."


"Just for a half hour."

"Why? I'm coming over tonight!"

"I need to ask you something."

Steve's house

"Hey flower boy!"


"Why did you want me to come over?"

"When are classes over for the semester?"

"End of April."

"Let's go to Hawaii in May."