Monday, April 18, 2005

....Changing a tire might be a little cramped, though...

"You told her, didn't you?"

SURELY this bitch is not copping an attitude with me?

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I did, Tim."

She shakes her head. "Unbelievable! Now of course she's gonna hate my guts."

"Yeah, and you've NEVER been in that situation before, have you?"

"You know, I just really don't understand how you can do that! Nothing even happened!"


"Basically nothing. I don't understand why you had to run and tell your girlfriend. If you didn't want to be there, you could've just LEFT! No one was stopping you! But then you went and TOLD her!"

"I had to tell her. It was bothering me. For days."

She shakes her head, making a little "Pfft," noise. "I used to think you were such an interesting guy, Steve...."

"And then you found out I had a conscience?"

"UGGH!" She growls, holding a hand in front of her as if trying to stop traffic. I watch as she stomps off towards the bar.

"OH.........MY...........GOD!" Heidi gasps. Her mouth is hanging wide open. I mean literally wide open. It looks like I could park my car in there!

"You had SEX with her, didn't you? You had sex with Dom's girlfriend! And then you told Stephanie!"


"You have a LOT of sex, don't you? I wish I could have sex. I haven't had any in a LONG time. The last time I had any was that one guy from last year-"

"Heidi. I didn't sleep with Tim."

"You didn't SLEEP with her? No, I guess you didn't SLEEP!" she smiles slyly. "I bet you guys had FUN! Did you have fun? OH! But you cheated on Steph!" she says, as if realizing it for the first time.

"I didn't have sex with her, Heidi!"

"So what did you-"

"I gotta go talk to Stephanie. And Heidi, I would really appreciate it if I didn't hear anything about this at the office."

"Of course, Steve!"

I push open a ten-foot-tall, ornate wooden door at the back of the ballroom and walk out into a plushly-carpeted common area. Instrumental music wafts from invisible speakers.

There are a couple of couches and love seats near the middle of the room. Empty.

I take the escalator to the main lobby and check the registration area. Nothing.

I dial Steph's number.




Shit! She's not going to answer! Now what?



"Hi," she says softly.

"Where are you?"

"Out front, by the fountain."

"Be right there," I say.

I push my way through the revolving door and cross to the fountain. It's actually quite impressive: About 20 feet across, and lit from underneath, with water pluming five feet in the air from a spout in the middle. It's even got ducks in it!

"I'm here; I don't see you!"

"Turn around."

She's standing there, shivering a little in the cold, her tiny phone pressed to her ear. We snap our phones closed.

She walks over and hugs me, putting her cheek to my chest. "I didn't mean to run off."

"It's ok."

"I get jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

"Come on, Steve! She's beautiful! She has a gorgeous body, gorgeous face, gorgeous boobs-"

I can arrange a hookup, if you want...

"She's not as gorgeous as you."

"Yeah, RIGHT! That's why you were gawking at her."

"Steph, even the gay waiters were staring!"

But, in fairness, they probably just wanted to know what designer she was wearing.

"I don't like how she had her hands all over you. And how she calls you 'handsome'. I FRIGGING don't like her," she says, through gritted teeth.

"I can see where that would bother you. We can leave if you want, right after I do my little speech."

"When do you have to speak?"

I glance at my watch. "Oh, shit! In two and a half minutes!"