Friday, April 29, 2005

How the HELL did I get so far behind?

You KNOW your life has drama when you write 1,000 words a day about it, and you are STILL four weeks behind.

I'll do my best to get caught up, starting now.

Thursday, April 7, 2005
Steve's office


"Steve! Brian!"

"Hey Brian. Almost ready for your wedding?"

"Can't wait, man."


Pause. "No, not really," he says, completely deadpan. I crack up.

"Hey man, are you and Steph free this weekend?"

"Sure, I guess. Why?"

"Why don't you come over Friday night? We'll make something on the grill."


Friday, April 9, 2005, 7:30pm
Brian and Susan's house

Somehow, the guys and the girls wound up on opposite couches.

"Brian's ex is SUCH an airhead," Susan is saying.

She's one to talk. Last time we were together, the local ice cream shop had come out with a new flavor, and I thought she was gonna break out the pom poms.

"She wasn't that bad."

"OH my God. She's this total bimbo! Tell them about what happened at the family picnic!"

"NO!" Brian laughs.

"TELL them!"

Brian rolls his eyes. "She was driving her father's pickup. She wasn't used to it."

"She locked the keys in the car. With the car running!" Says Susan. We laugh.

"And then this other time, she went into the bathroom, and came out with her dress tucked into her underwear," says Brian.

"OUCH!" I say.

"And then one day she was driving you home, because you were too drunk..."

"She wasn't used to driving a stick shift, and she was trying to drive up this steep hill, and she hit the guy behind her. Three times!" Brian says.

We laugh harder.

"She still calls Brian," Susan says, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Steve's ex calls him," Steph says.

"Ooo, really?" Asks Brian, turning to me. "She hot, or what?"

"BRI-AN!" Susan says.

"She's cute," I say non-chalantly.

Yeah, "cute". That's kind of like saying that drinking 17 shots of Tequila will get you "a little tipsy". Or that Elton John is "a little gay". Or that Michael Jackson is "just slightly weird".

"How old?" he presses.

"Eighteen." Steph says.

"DAMN!" says Brian. "Even I don't like 'em THAT young."

"Maybe YOU should answer next time she calls," Susan says to Steph.

Steph laughs. "And say what?"

"Just tell that bitch to shut up and go pierce something."

The room fills with laughter.


Steph and Susan are gabbing away on the other couch.

"Steve, come here. I wanna show you something," Brian says, leading me to a hardwood-floored room between the den and kitchen.

"Be right back, ladies."

He opens a drawer of his computer table and pulls out a little camcorder, adjusting the viewscreen. "Check THIS out," he says, pressing a button, grinning his mischievous Kevin Bacon grin.

I look at the screen. "Holy SHIT!" I say.