"He says, she says" for the week of July 5, 2004

Here it is, guys....our first installment of "He says, she says"! Enjoy!

Keep those questions coming (see the link on the sidebar to your right)...

If we didn't get to your question this week, look for it next week.....

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Giving guys the "green light"

Question - as a lady who is interested in revisiting her "inner woman" do
you have any tips as to how to let a man know you are interested while in a
public setting? I have not dated for a LONG time but I do not have any
real sexual hangups. (that is the hard part for me - once I get over the
"meeting" hurdle I am usually good to go)

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STEVE'S REPLY:

As the woman, I believe you have the upper hand in these situations. Right or wrong, most men plan on being the "aggressor" who approaches you. And they will do so, not really knowing if you will like them or not. Use this to your advantage! Make him do most of the talking early on, until you feel comfortable.

If a guy does not seem to notice you, there are a few things you can do short of introducing yourself. Make "incidental" eye contact and give him a little smile. Brush up against him on the way by and say, "excuse me!" [bat, bat go the eyelashes], and see if he takes the bait.

Another good tactic is to ask someone else who is there if they know who he is. JUST if they know him, not that "ooooooooh, he's cute!!" Of course, if they say, "do you like him?" then you could say, "Well, yes, he is attractive!" as if you hadn't thought about it before.

You could always introduce yourself, but to me, this should be a last resort. By all means, do it if you have to - and feel good about it!

When a guy is speaking to you, make sure you are a good listener (unless you are bored as hell and want to get outta there). Make lots of eye contact. Nod periodically, and throw little comments in here and there: "Oh, yeah, NOW I get it", "You're KIDDING!", "Oh, I didn't know that!", etc. etc.

And as you mentioned, this should be an easy thing: If you are truly compatible, the conversation should flow very easily after the initial awkwardness. Good luck! Let us know how you do!
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ARI'S REPLY:

OK... you say you want to make it clear to a man that you are interested while in public. I have a few questions for you:

Is this while you are on a date with a man? Or, are we talking random guy, random guy sort of thing? Additionally, how comfortable are you being forward? And most importantly; are you looking to get laid or have a boyfriend?

The latter question is the more prevalent one as I am a firm believer that these are very different goals and ought to be approached as such.

If you are reserved and looking to make your wants clear to a random guy, then I agree with Steve entirely. Eye contact, accidental bumping into, running your finger over your collar bringing his eyes down a bit - all good.

Guys like a challenge but they also like to know that the challenge, if met, can yeild successful rewards. If you come on too hard and seem to easy, you'll be the girl that doesn't get his attention until 2am, when the crowd has thinned drastically. If you just want to get laid, then who cares, be forward, go for it. Be unabashed.

If you want this to be "something" well then... date a woman, men are too difficult. If you're dead set on having a man, a challenge is what you must be, but a charming one. Smile, when you are talking to him, be engaging and involved in the conversation without talking his ear off. No man cares about the girl in your office that drives you crazy or how marked down your Manolos were. Don't be clingy, don't ask him where he has been while not calling you and the such. You're no doubt a very social and active person, such a person is far too busy in their own right to notice the absence of a guy.

I hope this was helpful.
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"Skirting" the issue

Would wearing a kilt get one laid? The questions about what one is wearing under it would seem to be an advantage.
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STEVE'S REPLY:

If you were in Scotland, maybe. Or at a Halloween party. Other than that, I am not particularly fond of costumes, or gimmicks.

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ARI'S REPLY:

Will wearing a kilt get you laid? I dunno, would wearing cleats and a football helmet get you to fuck me? I didn't think so...

For the record, it's best to be naked {or in the girl's case, wearing heels} when getting laid.

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Eating disorder

I slept with this guy last week. I am clean, and I taste good, I know, I tasted myself on him. But why wouldn't he go down on me. He has had PLENTY of experience, so I doubt its that. I went down on him a LOT. Can't a guy just return the favor?
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ARI'S REPLY:

Maybe he already had fish for dinner. lol...
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STEVE'S REPLY:

Some guys have a problem in that area. Sometimes they don't like the smell, or the taste, or the idea that "bathroom things" go on down there. They might feel that way even if you don't. Have other guys done this for you? Because believe me, not every guy is interested in doing this, no matter who the girl is. And let's face it: It doesn't taste like caviar!

Some guys have an "intimacy issue" about it: in otherwords, they won't do "that" with someone they just met, even if they are already screwing her. What can I say? We are weird.

I would suggest that, the next time you two are having a mellow (non-sexual) moment alone, such as after a nice dinner, you just casually say, "You know what would be really nice? If you went down on me sometime." Your goal is to start the conversation and find out what his problem with this is, but in a very non-threatening, non-angry way.

If his problem is the "grossness" factor, you can do several things:

1. Offer to shave down there (TOTALLY shave);
2. Offer to take a shower together first so you will be extra-fresh;
3. Make a "dental dam" by taking a condom and cutting it to the center, then opening it up (make sure your scissors are sharp). When you do this, you will have a latex sheet that he can place over your vagina while he "eats" you. You can use flavored and/or textured condoms, if you like.

I DON'T recommend spraying perfume or anything like that down there. Ever get perfume in your mouth? YUCK!

If this is just an intimacy issue, you may have to be patient for a while while he gets comfortable with you...
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"Idle" worship

Can I just start off by saying that you are my new hero... In my countless efforts to get more than one pussy I fail miserably as they all seem to find out about each other and all leave (bar the ugly ones). How exatly do you get so many girls/women to fuck you? please share your secrets...

p.s. what is your record of # of girls in one day/night (24 hours)? and does it beat my record of 5?
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STEVE'S REPLY:

I've been with two girls in a 24-hour period, a couple of times. In fact, I may have done it once with Lila and Kelly since I started this blog. The only way I can see you doing five in a day is if you were on one of those porn cruises, or on a ranch. With a lot of sheep.

My secrets are no secrets. Be sociable. Be outgoing. Take an interest in what the girl has to say. Bring up your own experiences that relate to what she is saying.

You will notice that I'm very careful to avoid girls that know each other, and to avoid situations where one might see me with the other. Check out my blog: I turned down a perfectly hot girl who was interested in me (Julie) because she works in the same office as me and Lila.
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