Monday, July 05, 2004

Kelly's gambit

10:00am, Wednesday. Phone. Kelly.


"Hey, Kel."

"Didja miss me?" she asks.

"Ummmmmm. Is this is a trick question?"

"Ha ha ha. OK. Well I missed YOU!"


"Are you free tonight?" she says.


"Don't play hard to get with me! I am taking you for seafood tonight. And I'm NOT taking no for an answer."

"oooooo! Aggressive!"

"And you love it too, don't you?" she says.

"Ummm, yes?"

"Smart ass."

"You're treating, right?" I say.


"OK, how about Annabelle's?" It's the most expensive seafood place in town. Probably the most expensive in the whole state. It's the home of the $85 lobster special.

She pauses. "Done! I'll pick you up at 7:30."

She's at my house at exactly 7:25. She brings some flowers to the door.

"OK, why does it feel like you're here to take out my teenage daughter?" I say.


"Let's go," I say, after putting the flowers in water.

Annabelle's is a GREAT place to eat. Everything is delicious. The guy who owns it had a near-death experience: He was some bookkeeper who was hit by a car, and suddenly found himself separated from his body, travelling down a tunnel, and headed toward a bright light. Then, his dead grandmother, ANNABELLE, told him to turn around and go back, because he was supposed to open a restaurant and become a millionaire. And that's just what he did, even though he had absolutely NO experience in the area.

No offense, but if you're somebody's dead grandmother, and you have control over such things, why go the seafood restaurant route? Why not let him find a cure for cancer, or discover cold fusion, or invent an orgasm patch (for recovering sex addicts)? I mean, restaurants are cool and all, but shouldn't people in the Great Beyond aim a little higher?


I order the lobster. I've been salivating about it all day. And let me tell you, it is pure heaven. Kelly gets the scallops. We drink a couple of glasses of wine and actually start to have a really nice time.

She raises her glass.

"What are we drinking to?" I ask.

"No more fighting," she says.

"No more fighting." We clink our glasses.

"Steve, I have to be honest with you."


"It's been a while since I've felt this way about someone. I don't....I really....sometimes I don't think I'm ready."


"But I know that you can't plan when you are going to meet someone, and I know that you're just...." she is shaking her head from side to side, searching for words.

"Really cool?" I say.

She scoffs. "Shut up." She smiles, a big, sweet, happy smile.

"You're smart, you're funny, you're ambitious, you're successful, you're good-looking...there aren't too many guys like you out there. And I...."

"What?" It's not like her to be fumbling for words like this. WTF?

"I'm scared to death I'm gonna lose you."

"LOSE me?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to screw this up. I'm scared I already have!"

"How?" Can't wait to hear this!

"By being too pushy. By being a total bitch. By being too aggressive in the bedroom."

"Or the foyer staircase," I add. He he he....

"Hahahahahhhaha! You get the point," she says.

"Kelly, I really appreciate you saying that." At this point, I am blown away. I'm speechless. Almost.

"You know," I continue, "if aggressive is what you really are, then you can't hide that. If it's going to work out between two people, it better be with their REAL selves, not who they're pretending to be."

"But that doesn't mean I should hit you with it all at once."

"Kelly. I'm a big boy. If I had a problem with you, I'd say it."

"Do you?"


"I like the competition. To a point. I just feel like both of us are so headstrong that neither one will ever give in enough to have a real relationship."

"So you've thought about it."

"Of course I have, Kelly! You're pretty great too. You're amazing!" Ok, didn't I just say that to someone else recently?

She blushes.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say.


"Were you really on your way to pay your phone bill that day you met me?"

She looks down at her plate. "I go that way every morning. Same time, every day. And I used to see you, getting out of your car...."

"Same spot, every day," I say.

"And you back your car in, every day. And I couldn't see your face, but...I noticed your WALK."

"My WALK?"

"It's very purposeful. And FAST. You can tell a lot about someone by their walk. And something told me that you could be someone really special."

Ahhhhh, you see?! I was RIGHT!

"So you pulled over and came up with some excuse to talk to me."

She smiles. "Mmm-hmm!"

"So basically, you're a stalker," I say, smiling.

"Hmm, let's see: Who asked who out that day?" she says, rolling her eyes skyward.

"Yeah, you got me."

"So anyway, Steve, would you please forgive me, and have a little patience with me? Because I really, really like you." She is gazing at me coquettishly.

Man, she's laying this whole trip on me, and it's not even dessert time yet!

I am truly moved by her. I'm touched! "Kelly, of COURSE I'll be patient with you. I'm not the best at this either."

We go back to my house, and walk around the block together. We stop at the pond. I am thinking about putting a park bench there, even though it's not my property...

"When was the first time you kissed a girl," she asked.

"Last Tuesday," I say.


"I was 20."


"Yeah. I was a fat kid, terrible with the girls. So friggin terrible. I joined the gym, and stopped eating junk, and dropped all kindsa weight. I met a girl named Maryann at the gym....she was older than me, 25.

It was...humiliating, in a way. She told me what to do, how to kiss her. I had no idea. I was like a 14-year-old kid. But she taught me."

"Did you sleep with her?"

I nod. "Right after my 21st birthday."


"It was ok. I was scared. I came too fast, and...."

OK, why am I getting all worked up here?

Kelly can tell. She looks concerned.

"Hey. It HAPPENS," she says.

"I know." Shit, I'm almost in tears now.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm almost positive that Maryann chick couldn't handle you now. You're too much for me!"


"Oh, come ON, Steve! That shower thing? I didn't shit for 3 days! I was too scared it was going to hurt!"

I burst out laughing. She does too.

"And that time on the stairs? Shit!" She rolls her eyes. "I'm still bruised!" She rolls up her shirt and shows me a black and blue patch the size of a pancake on her lower back.

"Holy SHIT! Are you ok?"

"Hardwood stairs'll do that to ya," she says. "But it was fun."

I take her hand. "I've got just the thing for that bruise," I say.

So we go back to the house and hit the hot tub. Naked. I get out the champagne from my trip (never did use it).

"Hey," I say. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For talking to me. I know that wasn't easy for you."

She kisses me. It's a slow, passionate kiss. Like her mouth is melting into mine.

I move in front of her and kind of push her against the back of the tub. She opens her legs to me, as an invitation. She closes her eyes and bites her lower lip. She is more submissive, now. She is giving in. She's TRUSTING me. And it's turning me on.

I don't normally like sex underwater, but this is really good. She pulls my head closer to her and coos in my ear: "Just like that, baby....oooooo, just like are gooood, you are soooo good."

So who is the real Kelly here? The one who wants to be pounded mercilessly, or the one who wants to be "made love" to?

As soon as I find out, I'll let you know.