And then there were two

11:00am. Phone. Julie.

"Free for lunch today?"

"Julie, I need to talk to you."

"Uh oh. That didn't sound good."

"Listen, I'm not....I don't think we should see each other."

"Today, or ever?"

"Ever."

Silence.

"Don't take it the wrong way," I say.....

From this point onward, I have to assume that everything I say will be repeated ad nauseum around the office. Just have to assume I am being broadcast over the office loudspeakers.

I am reminded of what Mark Twain said: "When in doubt, tell the truth".

"I keep thinking about what your fiance did to you," I say. "I don't know what his issues were, but I could tell he really really hurt you."

Silence.

"You seem like you are ready to settle down....and honestly, I am not."

"So you want something CASUAL."

"Yeah."

"What if I told you I was ok with that?"

Oh, shit. I CANNOT be with Julie. Casual or not, it will be all over the office that we are hot and heavy, unless we are totally broken up. It's either her or Lila.

"You're not ok with that."

"How the hell do YOU know, Steve? How do you know?"

"You didn't see the look on your face when you pulled that picture out of your bag, Julie."

"He hurt me. I GET IT! But why does that mean I want a serious relationship? Maybe it means I DON'T want one!"

"Julie, listen. To be very honest with you, I keep thinking about the rumors that are going around about us. I don't have a problem dating a coworker, but in this particular company, unless you are really serious, I don't think it's worth it. We are the Ben Affleck and J.Lo of this place right now, you know."

"So you don't want people talking about you."

"That's part of it. And to be honest, I just wouldn't feel good about dating you casually. I feel like, if I'm going to be with someone like you, I couldn't do it halfway. I would start to fall for you, and....."

"So you're afraid of a commitment," she says, in very clipped tones.

DINGDINGDING! On to the bonus round!

"Relationship wise, Julie, I'm kinda bad news right now. You deserve someone better."

"Yeah. I think I do. Goodbye, Steve." CLICK.

OUCH. She is PISSED.

Well, THAT went well!

In a day or so, the rumor will probably be that I am a complete asshole who, incomprehensibly, dumped the most sought-after woman in the company. Good.