Steverino Special: Five Celebrities I Must Have Sex With Before I Die

1. Britney Spears. I've already extolled the virtues of her gluteus maximus. That alone is reason enough, but to me, any woman who appears to have more psychological problems than I do is irresistable.

2. Mya. Hottest black girl on the planet. (Sorry Halle Berry!)

3. Maureen McCormick (AKA, "Marcia Brady"). Since I whacked off over her so much as a kid, it would be nice to know what the real thing is like.

4. Lindsay Lohan. Forget Mary-Kate and Ashley. Imagine if THIS hottie had a twin?!

5. Elsa Benitez (supermodel). Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl from a couple of years ago. Still the hottest cover shot I've ever seen.