Sunday, June 06, 2004

Disastrous weekend, chapter 2

I looked at my watch. It was 5:25. I was supposed to pick up Lila in 5 minutes, but with Carl there, I couldn't go anywhere near the place. If he saw Lila get into my car, on Monday it would be all over the office that I was fucking her.

I heard a vacuum in the hallway. It was Pablo, this guy who works for the cleaning company. He walks all around the building with one of these portable vacuum cleaners that you carry on your back like a backpack. He's not a good vacuumer: I remember one occasion when there was construction going on, and plaster dust was everywhere, including the carpet. So at the end of the day, I hear Pablo's vacuum going, and I figure he's going to clean up all the dust. Later, on my way to the men's room, I walked by the area in question, and saw PABLO'S FOOTPRINTS in the dust, which was STILL THERE! He he he...

But I had an idea: I could hook Pablo up with a $50, and tell him to run down to Starbuck's, pick her up, and bring her back here.

It was too risky. If Carl should recognize Pablo, it would be the same as if I had done it, except instead of "Lila is screwing Steve," it would be "Lila is screwing the cleaning guy." Plus, what if Pablo got weird and tried to hit on her? He could be dangerous...

But I was on to something. Someone else could pick her up, just not Pablo. AHA!! How about Jeff, from the landlord's office? I had gotten drunk with Jeff a few times, and I figured he might do me a favor. He only worked around the corner...

I called his cell. He picked up. "This is Jeff!"

"Jeff, it's Steve! Can you do me a major favor, for which I would be eternally indebted?"

"If I can...What's up?"

"One of my employees is at Starbuck's right now. There's an employee there who is trying to talk to her, and not taking the hint, so she told him that her boyfriend is on the way to pick her up."

"So you want me to be the boyfriend?"

"Basically. Just pick her up and bring her here. You don't even have to get out of the car."

"Well, I'm at the hardware store, about 1/2 a mile away. I don't have to fight anyone, do I?"

"Believe me, you're safe."


Finally, we are getting somewhere!! But it was 5:35 and we were officially behind schedule.

5:45. Where the fuck were they? My phone rang. Jeff.

"Heyyyy dog! Why didn't you tell me this employee was such a looker? There's NO WAY I'm taking her back to the office! I'm taking her to Doc O'Malley's! Meet us there!"

"No, Jeff, NO! Bring her back here!"

"Doc O'Malley's!! Meet us there!!"

"Jeff, she's not of age......."



My phone rang. Lila.

"Will you PLEASE tell him to bring me to the office?"

"Give him the phone," I said.

"Jeff speaking. May I helllllp yooooou?"

"Jeff, her boyfriend just got here. They have a reservation somewhere, he says. He was coming to surprise her. Can you please, please bring her to the office?"

"Alright, alright!! Turning around --- now!!" I heard the tires squealing.

"Give Lila the phone back"

"Hi," she said.

"I'll be in my car with the engine running."

"I'll be there."

5:50. She ran into the parking lot and jumped into my car. Got on the highway and set the cruise control for 80. Our reservation was for 7:00 We might make it yet!!