Wednesday, June 02, 2004

The executives' meeting

I was on the phone with an attorney about the acquisition, so I was 10 minutes late for the exec meeting. I walked in to the meeting and "Ross", my boss, was there with 3 other VP's.

"I'm not happy," he said. I could see him flexing his jaw. Shit. Was he on to me and Lila?

All eyes turned to me. I was careful not to change my expression. "What about," I inquired nonchalantly.

"You know, I read that when employees are on the defensive, they pay closer attention to the meeting. So I wanted to start out on that note."

"What was that?" I said, "I wasn't listening!"

The room erupted with laughter.

"It's about your secretary."


Still, no change in my face. If Ross didn't know what was going on, I didn't want to clue him in. "What about her?"

"I'm getting compliments. She's doing a great job."

"She's VERY complimentary," said Doug the Dork. All his fellow dorks giggled.

"So what's the problem?"

"Our customers like a human being on the other end of the line. But she's only here 20 hours a week. Let's get away from this goddamn voice mail shit. What would it take to bring her on full-time?"

OH, NO. NO fucking way. Absolutely not. I know girls. She is going to take this as some kind of "sign" that we are meant to be together. NFW. This is a non-starter. Gotta shoot it down somehow.

"Well, Ross," I said, "she's in high school, you know."

"She graduates this year," Doug said. "She told me!"

"OOOOOOO, she told you," said Bob the Dork. "What's going on with you two anyway??!!" More giggles.

I tried not to laugh. Every one of those pencil necks were probably pounding out nightly with her face clearly focused in their minds' eyes.

"So, make her an offer. Give her a raise if you have to! I want someone on those phones FULL TIME!"

"Well, I think she's going to college in the fall, boss. Do we really want to get people used to it, then take her away again?" It was lame, I know, but the best I could do.

"If she leaves, hire someone else. Obviously, you have an eye for talent."

"Talent!" mumbled one of the geeks. More giggles.


"PLEASE!" said Ross.

"OK, boss," I said. "I'll make it happen."

I HAVE to find a way to stop this. I can't have her in the office full-time. It's hard enough with her there half the time!