Shopping for ass

Lila called in sick again on Wednesday. Her doctor put her on antibiotics. She may be back today, Thursday.

I threw Kelly's flowers away. They were starting to stink.

There is another acquisition we are looking at. I will review it with Ross when I get back. We are starting to generate some good revenue out of this office, and Ross is talking about a raise for me. Hoo-ha!!! Forget the raise, just promote me. I would MUCH rather have a title and a lot of responsibility than a lot of cash. You can work on the cash later.

I am hearing around the office that Julie is telling everyone what an asshole I am. The guys from IT are breaking my balls every day about it. "You must be queer if you turned HER down, dude," they are saying. You know, it's weird, but some of the hot chicks around the office are asking me about it now. I think they are intrigued; they want to see if they can succeed where Julie failed. That little bitch may help me get laid yet!
But if I do anyone else from the office, it must be strictly on the D.L. (in secret).

I guess that brings you up to date on work.

Last night, I decided to do some shopping for a few nuisance projects around the house. I also like to check out the honies in the stores. Believe it or not, a lot of hot chicks shop at Home Depot. But last night, "ass" was completely out of stock. I bought all my materials, then headed to the mall to check out the situation.

I am looking for Sears, and I think I know where it is. So I walk for a while. Then I walk some more. And more. And I can't fucking find it!

For those of you who don't know, malls are intentionally built with all kinds of corners and turns. There is a reason they don't have big long hallways: Marketing tests have shown that people won't walk to a store if they perceive it to be more than 600 feet away or so. So, they make a bunch of short walks instead of one long one.

So I stop some security dude, and ask him where Sears is. And suddenly, it occurs to me: YOU CAN'T PAY BILLS AT THE PHONE COMPANY. At least, not the one near my office. So why did Kelly tell me she was "paying a bill" that day? Was she just looking for an excuse to meet me? Or did she honestly think she COULD pay her bill there? Memo to self: Gotta check that out, just for the hell of it.

I also ask the security guard where the hot chicks are. He tells me to go to Abercrombie & Fitch or the record store.

I go to A. & F. And there is a girl there to DIE for. She had this massive rack, with a tight red top on. And you gotta love those pants that are halfway off, too...

"Can I help you find anything?" she says.

Yeah, I'm looking for your snatch. Can you point me in the right direction?

"Hmmm, I need a couple of shirts. But I can never find the exact right one for me."

That's perfect - give them a PROJECT. Have them spend a little time with you. See where it goes!

"You look like black is your color. Let's look over here."

"Marcie, you ready for your break?" some dude says.

"Yeah, just come over here and finish with this customer for me," she says.

FUCK! 'Twas not to be, Marcie!

Bought a couple of nice shirts, though.

Went to the food court, and some Asian girl was handing out free samples of some kinda chicken. Really good! So I take a sample, walk around, and come back towards her. She looks down at my feet, and doesn't offer me another sample. She was MEMORIZING what people's shoes looked like so they wouldn't get more than one free sample!

"Is that the chicken that you were about to throw away," I ask.

"uhhhhhhhh, yeah, yeah. Yeah yeah," she says. She has NO clue what I'm saying.

Headed home, and basically did nothing. Sorry guys, but it was probably the lamest night ever for the Steverino.

Oh, BTW, my thoughts go out to the Monkey Man for his loss; it really sucks for him right now.

The weekend is shaping up to be exciting, though....wonder what Lila's surprise is...