You have learned well, grasshopper...

I admit it. I think I am a player. And I act like one. But then, every once in a while, some girl puts me in my place. Just like last night.

Lila called in about 12:30 to say she was sick and couldn't come to work today. She also said she has a "surprise" for me before I leave on my trip.

So, what to do tonight? How about plan B, or, more accurately, plan K?

But I can't call Kelly yet, I think. Gotta wait until later. And I have to hope she is not a "rules" girl. Who knows? Maybe she will call me!

3:00. I haven't heard from Kelly, and it's fairly quiet around the office. So I dial her up.

"This is Kelly."

"Hey."

"HEY??"

"Yeah. Hey."

Long pause. "Steve?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh. Hey hun!" Oh great. So I am "hun" now?

"Hey, listen. I was wondering if you were interested in watching a movie tonight," I say.

"I watch movies every night. Know what I had in mind?"

"What?"

"A shower."

"A shower? Can you be more specific?"

"Ummmmmm, hot water....you. Me. Soap. Nudity."

"Oh, ok. I thought another one of your friends was getting married!"

"Nope. So what do you think? Ten o'clock at my house?" she asks.

TEN O'CLOCK?? That's Booty Call time! Not that I mind, but exactly who is using who here, anyway?

Well, no one runs roughshod over me. "Nine-thirty," I say firmly.

"It's a deal," she says. "Ok, I gotta go show a house."

"Later."

"You really have to work on your phone skills," she says.

"Yeah, and you have to work on your over-aggressiveness." BITCH.

It was a very slow day at the office today. Call it a post-acquisition lull. I went home early and had some dinner.

9:45. I pull up to Kelly's. She answers the door in a bathrobe and bunny slippers.

Bunny slippers??

"You're early," she says, handing me a glass of red wine.

"Is that a problem?"

"No....actually, I was hoping you would be," she says.

She heads upstairs, and I follow. I sit on the bed to remove my shoes, and she enters the bathroom. "Don't be long," she says.

I get undressed. SHIT! I forgot to bring lube. I open her nightstand drawer to see if she has any. There is a cheesy "I Miss You" card there.

I open it. It says "May 2004" inside. It is signed, "I can't wait to see you again 'Booger'! Love, Brad"

Damn, Brad is her husband's name. Is she still fucking him?

I go into the bathroom. All the lights are on. Her body is incredible...lean and tight...the tattoo is bigger than I thought. There are so many colors on it.....

"It took 2 hours," she says.

"Huh?"

"The tattoo," she says. "I saw you looking at it. Why do guys always stare at that when I'm naked? You would think they'd look....somewhere else!"

WTF. How many guys is she fucking, anyway? Not that I have anything to complain about, but...

Steam is everywhere. She climbs into the shower. This IS a booty call! I've been in the house all of 5 minutes! I am a fucking booty call! Sex is sex, but why the hell is she calling all the shots?

I get into the shower. She is soaping up with one of those poofy shower things.

"I was thinking about you all day," she says. "I was hoping you'd call." She is smiling. I'm beginning to think that Kelly got away with murder as a kid with that smile. Bet it's sold a few houses too.

She kisses me. Then she pulls away, then kisses me again, harder. She stares at me for a moment, her long hair plastered to her head. Why is it that blonde hair always looks brown when it gets wet?

She turns her back to me and puts the sponge-thing in my hand. She rubs her ass against me. I am throbbing.

I start to rub the poofy thing over her boobs. Bubbles are everywhere. Her skin is wet and shiny now....

She takes my hand and starts to run the sponge over her pussy. "Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...."

I start to rub myself against her from behind. She is nice and slippery down there. She bends over a bit, hands against the wall. I push up on my cock, just a bit, and slide effortlessly into her. Looks like I didn't need lube, after all.

Suddenly, I almost fall backwards. She is pushing back! HARD! What's going on with this girl? Is this the chick I thought I had to be "gentle" with the other night?

"Harder," she says. "HARDER!"

OK, if you say so!

I grab her hips and start pounding away. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Mozart's symphonies sound no sweeter.

She was tighter than I remember. I decide to do a reach-around.

See, when you are doing a girl from behind, it's good to reach around and rub her clit with your hand. GENTLY. "Fuck," I hear her moan.

I pull myself all the way out of her, then back in. Without touching. YUM. Then out again. Then...OOPS! Missed! (Wink, wink). My head bumped up against her asshole. Wonder if it's time to see if Miss Aggressive likes it in the rear....

"Go ahead," she says.

I take the spongy thing and squeeze it against her lower back. Soapy water gushes all over her ass. I notice there is a thin line right around her crack where there is no tan....she must go tanning in a thong, I think...

I start using the "Hokey-Pokey" ass-fucking technique: You put your head in, you put your head out, repeat...it is REALLY friggin tight. It's starting to loosen up, though...

"Go ahead! Just DO it!"

You asked for it, honey.

I put my hand between her shoulder blades and push down, so she is standing at a 90 degree angle. Then I sqeeze her hips and jam my cock violently into her. "AAAAAAAAH!" she says. I can feel her stretching and ripping. But she's liking it. "Yeah! Oh GOD yeah!!" she is saying.

Shit! She should be dying right now! That must have hurt!

I pump away at her for several minutes. Pretty soon I pull all the way out, and she is gaping wide open. Back in, without touching. AAAAAHHHH. And now the wave builds inside me....I am trembling...the spasms overtake me and I explode.....

I slowly, languidly, pull out of her. I see a little pink...is she bleeding?

Damn. How to dispose of a condom in the shower!

She turns and faces me. She is smiling, again. She puts her arms around my neck, flickering her blue eyes. "MMMMMMMMMMM," she says, and kisses me. It's nice kissing her with the hot water raining down on us.

Our lips separate with a SMACK. "There's hope for you yet," she says.

"Excuse me?"

"You were too passive the first time. That was MUCH better, though."

Here I am, telling the Dating Fool (thisdatinglife.blogspot.com) that HE is too passive. He's gonna have a laugh!

"Is that so?"

"I know you were just trying to make it so it didn't hurt. But don't. I like guys who go for it."

Memo to self: Make sure she's sore next time. VERY sore.